Fixing Things

The harshest thing anyone has ever said about one of my books/stories/ideas was that a character that I love very dearly was a pedophile. 

It was a co-worker, who also happens to enjoy writing.  I had finished the original manuscript of Without Light and found the courage to let her have the pdf of the first half.  What was I thinking?  So MUCH will change…and the result was brutal.  A pedophile.  She’d become uncomfortable reading the story because of that fact. 

After talking to her I remember being in the ladies’ room at my office, staring in the mirror, just about in tears.  I felt sick.  I felt as if I had betrayed that character by writing him so poorly; clearly this was my fault, because it wasn’t HIS fault.  HE is a good man and would be horrified to be considered a pedophile.  I felt like scrapping the entire project, never publishing it, because the characters always become very real to me.  I couldn’t bear to think of anyone seeing him that way.

This was my most blatant experience with ‘putting the story on paper.’  It’s in my head.  I know what he’s really like, but I hadn’t managed to get that sense down on the page.  In the end, I was determined to fix the story so that people could see who he really was.   I understand now why she thought of him that way, and what I can do to change that view.

I’ve done a lot of things I consider stupid in the writing of this book, things that make me look back and wonder if I had all my crayons in the box at the time.  That’s true of most writers, I think.  The point is- that doesn’t kill a story.  You can fix it, save it, make it more reasonable, and still keep the feeling you want.  If something feels strange to you, it probably is strange!  But people are strange, and we don’t shove them in a drawer and forget about them.  I don’t want that to happen to my characters, either.

The Work

Rayless: Without Light is a book about a boy who becomes a knight and wins the hearts of ‘elves’ and does his best to save the day.  It isn’t a new storyline.  People have been writing about this sort of thing for years; in fact, the first fantasy series I ever read was partially along those lines (Tamora Pierce:  The Song of the Lioness quartet).  I like to think it’s a classic storyline that can still be loved and given a new life, but I guess we’ll see won’t we?  ;D 

I can’t tell you what inspired this book, or the ones written around it.  I can’t tell you where I was when I started writing it, or why.  I come up with dozens of story ideas.  I know one is going to last when I reach about 30 typed pages.  Then, it has a chance to live and really become something great.  Without Light hit 50 pages before even slowing down.  I loved the characters and writing them made me incredibly happy; that’s how you know something is working. 

At this point, the story is undergoing major revisions.  I didn’t want to write the first half of the book.  It was necessary to build the second (fun) half, but I rushed through it as fast as possible.  Because of that, it will take enormous effort to put my love back into those chapters.  I’ve also forced a lot of things like character relationships, and out of my own nervousness about society’s views, I’ve gone in directions I don’t like.  I suspect that once we get to Book Two (the section, not physical novel), the revisions will become easier because the story flows much better.  At least, I hope so. 

When it comes to writing, I need space and time to think.  I can’t just write easily on my lunch break.  I need more than an hour to really get in the ‘zone.’ I often wear headphones without playing anything through them, to cut out white noise.  I type REALLY LOUD and really fast, and I get self conscious about the loud clicking in the silence.  Those are excuses for why I haven’t even finished Chapter 2’s revisions.  That, and…well, what we’re doing to Chapter 2 has shown me the enormous amount of work still needed for the next few chapters, and it’s daunting. 

I’m also studying part-time to be a CPA and working full-time.  The tiny space of hours I have with my family every night is frighteningly slim.  Even so, there’s no one to write this book but me, and if I love it, if I believe in it…it’s my job to get it out there where YOU can love it and believe in it, too.  I promise, I’m not giving up.